Sometimes doing things you love may look different than you thought it would.
But that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth doing.

Earlier this week, I was talking to my best friend about creativity and wanting to make things and the disappointment and shame that comes from not making things (when you really want to make things). I was explaining how much I miss singing and I heard something come out of my mouth that shocked me:

“I really think if I don’t sing this song it’s going to turn into a tumor.”

Ummm. Okay. Scary?

I’ve been singing “As If We’d Never Said Goodbye” from Sunset Boulevard in the shower for years, even before it was recently revived on Broadway. For context, it’s sung by the washed up silent film star Norma Desmond returning to a movie set for the first time in years, mustering up the courage to face a camera that might not want her.

I can’t help but relate the lyrics to my relationship with social media. When she says, ‘I’ve spent so many mornings just trying to resist you,” (hello, doomscrolling) and “We were young together” — I feel that! My most successful videos went viral on Facebook. Even though I didn’t know it, I was a but a bébé.

The song is Andrew Lloyd Webber (of Cats and Phantom of the Opera). It’s dramatic. I love it.

I don’t want a Norma Desmond shaped tumor anywhere in my body.

So, after hanging up with my friend, I set up my webcam and my not-so-great microphone, grabbed my cat’s fur brush, and sang the dang song. An exorcism, if you will.

Is it high production quality? No. But is it the best I’ve ever sang the song? Also no.

I didn’t even change my “I work from home” outfit or put on any makeup, afraid that if I took the time in front of the mirror, I’d talk myself out of it. Yesterday, in my live I said I looked like a raccoon that just climbed out of a garbage can and a longtime internet pal commented, “To be fair, a raccoon climbing out of a garbage can is living its best life.”

So I’m living a raccoon’s best life! Love that for me.

I’m sharing all this creative hob-knobbling just in case you too get tripped up in the cycle of wanting to make things but not making them and then feeling bad about not making them even though you want to. I don’t have a film crew and fancy equipment at my disposal anymore, but I’m tired of letting that stop me.

What’s stopping you from doing things that you love?

Sometimes doing things you love may look different than you thought it would.
But that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth doing.

Love Always,
Christina

P.S. The song is behind a paywall to detract haters and/or ex-boyfriends. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sorry, I’ll get braver.